She moves through moonbeams slowly

I haven't updated this in a while.  I guess you could say I have been busy.

I haven't been feeling too great emotionally lately.  I'm just really stressed about money and the whole trying to go back to school thing.  I need to get my old loans paid off right away, but of course don't have money for it.  I need to get my stupid KU transcripts sent to KSU & get approved by January, but I can't get them sent until my loans are paid off.  Then I need to file for financial aid.  It's just not going to happen.  I can't come up with the money that quickly.  I worry I won't get approved by KSU anyway, because I got such crappy grades before.  I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I don't get in.  I might go back to Kansas anyway, and just work & live there.  Jamie mentioned that I could move to Arvada because it's cheaper there.  Then I could just work & live there and stay close to her.  But then I think... am I going to be better off staying here?  Or would I be better off going back to Kansas and seeing if I can be happy there again?  I'd love to move somewhere that's not here or Kansas, but I don't know how I would handle being away from all of my family.

Mom, Lynn & the twins came out for Thanksgiving.  It was fun to have them around.  I miss them so much when I don't see them for months at a time.  I played some basketball with Logan (and Jason once).  Logan trained me on free throws.  I believe I shoot quite a bit better now than I did before we got to hang out.  He and Lynn watched some of the Nuggets game with me Friday night.  They both fell asleep:

Kaitlyn and mom helped me make Denver Nuggets cupcakes.  I missed a lot of the first half, so I watched it again Saturday.

We spent a lot of time over at Jamie's, where everyone got to play with Lainey.  Neither Jamie nor myself got many pictures.  She was busy in the kitchen and I was busy trying to just enjoy the time with my family.  Lainey really liked everybody, though.

We ate some yummy food on Thursday.  Jamie and Jason are great cooks.

Thursday night we (at least the twins & I) went to bed around 9.  We had trouble falling asleep.  I think we were all hyper or something.  I'm not sure what time we actually fell asleep.  We planned to wake up at 3:45 (that's what time I had my alarm set for).  Somehow, Logan had an alarm go off at 2.  We tried to go back to sleep but couldn't.  So after getting probably 4 hours of sleep, we were awake.  Around 3 something we heard mom & Lynn moving around upstairs so got out of bed and went up there.  We all left before 4 for Black Friday shopping.  I waited in line at Best Buy for 2 hours, with the twins and mom taking turns standing with me.  Lynn was in line at Office Depot in case we couldn't get the computer they wanted at Best Buy.  It was cold after a while, but I enjoyed the people.  We got it.  While mom & Lynn were in line to get the computer, then to check out, Logan, Kaitlyn & I played around in the musical instruments room.  I got tired of that and we still had about an hour to wait, so we went next door to Wal Mart.  We walked around just a tiny bit.  It was too crowded.  I did find some $2 DVDs I wanted, so I stood in line to check out for about half an hour with those.  The twins stood with me for a while, then I gave them some money to go into McDonalds to get a drink.  They came back for a few minutes, then went and sat in McDs until I was done.  Then we went back to Best Buy, got the keys, put my DVDs in the car & went back in Best Buy for a bit till mom & Lynn were done.

By the time we got back home I was starting to get grumpy.  Kaitlyn and I decided we'd make the cupcakes so they would be ready to decorate that night.  We started measuring things & cracking eggs when mom came in and told us we were going to Jamie's right then.  So we put our stuff aside and left.  We took my car in case I decided I wanted to go to work (I didn't, my wrist was too sore). We got to Jamie's house, then all of us girls left for Old Navy, BBB & KMart.  I was tired of shopping by this point and wished I would have stayed home with the boys.  We got back to Jamie's house and everyone was hungry so we had brunch at The Egg & I.  It was delicious.  After that we went back to Jamie's for a while.  Then us girls went to Target.  Then back to Jamie's.  Logan, Kaitlyn & I went to get the basketball out of the Envoy at the Antique Mall, thinking we were going to go find a rec center to play at.  I decided we didn't need to spend the $15+ to play basketball so we walked around the Antique place for a while, then went to 7 Eleven for slurpees, then stopped at Kohls to look around.  After that we went back to Jamie's to find that everyone was gone.  We decided to go to the park to play basketball.  We stayed there for about an hour & when we got back they were home.  We all hung out for a while, then mom & I went to Target to get some curtains she wanted there, then to Costco.  When we got back to Jamie's everyone was starting to eat leftovers from Thursday for dinner.  We all had dinner, then Kaitlyn & I left to head back to my house & start the cupcakes and watch the game.  Shortly after mom, Lynn & Logan got home.  We all hung out, making cupcakes and watching the Nuggets.  I'm not sure when we went to bed that night, but mom & I were the last ones up, watching the game.  I woke up aroud 6:30 Saturday and Kaitlyn, Logan & their stuff was out of my room.  I went upstairs and they were just gathering everything up and packing up the car.  They left around 7 & I thought I would go back to sleep, but I couldn't.  I spent all day Saturday sitting around the house watching movies.  I did the same thing until about 5 yesterday evening.  It was nice to have the house to myself for a couple of days and watch movies.

This is the last time I'm gonna kiss you

I fell in love today at work, with a 3 month old Swiss Mountain Dog.  His name is Barley or something like that... something with a B.  His owner is the son of one of the adult librarians.  They bought him in to show him off and the librarian was talking to some of the ladies and the guy and dog were waiting for her and the dog saw me and started bolting to me.  He was so excited to see me (didn't do that with anyone else).  I petted him for a long time and talked to the guy about how cute he is and stuff.  I was all outgoing (those that don't know, I'm usually a fairly shy person) cuz I was so in love with the dog.  Then they were going upstairs to show him off and he kept pulling back toward me when they started walking away.  Later, I was heading back to behind the desk as they were leaving and he started like... jumping towards me with excitement.  I think I RAN over to pet him again before they left and i told him to "be a good boy."  And then I was super happy for a few minutes, then super sad the rest of work because I missed him so bad.  I still do.    I have decided I'm going to ask the librarian where her son lives and if it's close, I'm going to tell her to tell him to let me come play with puppy.



Dentist.  Worst appointment of my life.  I am in so much pain.  My jaw on both sides is aching and it's radiating up into my head.  He had so much trouble with this stupid tooth.  He kept saying "oh Jennifer, oh Jennifer I'm not certain I can save this tooth,"  "oh Jennifer I'm so sorry this tooth just doesn't want to work with me," "oh that's a lot of blood," "oh Jennifer, breathe, breathe..." (because I was holding my breath a lot)  "jennifer? are you awake???"  They had trouble getting the dam up around the tooth cuz it was so stupid. It bled the whole time, apparently pretty bad. They had trouble getting me to go numb and oh my god he started drilling when I said I thought I was numb. I wasn't numb and if my mouth hadn't been held open by the brace thingy they put in it I would have started screaming.  Instead I grabbed his arm. It took forever.  He had to use some special stuff he mixed up to start the actual filling once he got it all drilled out. Then it didn't stay cuz my tooth got too wet, then he did it again.  An hour and a half later, it was filled. I guess there is practically no actual tooth there now, mostly just filling.


Apparently this was my last filling.  I owe them 510 dollars right now.  I need at least 2 crowns, possibly 2 on top of that.  I'm going to wait till I can pay down the 510 some to start those.  The receptionist (dentist's wife) gave me an estimate. Each crown at most will be $1205, and that's if I need buildup.  She said I probably won't on a couple of them. 955 w/out the buildup and of course she will "give me my usual discount" (whispered cuz other patients were around) since she doesn't have to file insurance for me.

That was my day.

Now I am starving.  All I have had to eat all day is a tiny little piece of birthday cake at work.  The worst part of it is... I can't eat.  If I'm still numb in an hour or 2 I'm going to go buy some instant mashed potatoes or something.

If its all over, just tell me so...

I applied to Kansas State University on Sunday.  My goal is to move to Manhattan a couple months before August, and start school in the fall 2010 semester.  I was super super excited about it all.  Yesterday, though, I found out that KU won't release my transcripts.  I have to pay the last $1164.46 on my Perkins Loans I had to go to school there before they will release them.  This totally ruined my excitement.  I hate KU & how rude their employees are.  At this point I pretty much have to not buy anything I might need or want.  I have to put all money possible towards that $1100 to get it paid off.  I need it done ASAP so I can get my transcripts released, and so hopefully I will also be able to get new financial aid so I can actually go to KSU.  That means not paying the dentist as quickly as I hoped, which means having a very large debt.  That means one tiny tiny little xmas gift for the babies, and absolutely nothing else.  That means no being able to afford stuff to make cookies/candy for Christmas.  That means Christmas being completely crappy for me, because making candy & cookies is my favorite part of it, especially since I'll probably be in Colorado.  At least I'll have the house to myself for a while... that will be nice.  I had requested time off work to go to KS.  If we end up not going, even though I need the money, I may still take the time off.  It would be nice to get to finally catch up on sleep.

Ugh.  I can't even type about it anymore because it just depresses me.